Women of the world Unite!!!
I’m not really trying to learn anything from my Vanilla (White) female counterparts about being a good woman. Let me be clear I’m not racist, but if I hear one more Brotha try to justify why he doesn’t date black, point out that “White girls give them less drama” I might have to kick someone!
Quick reflection on history and womanhood. I have no desire to be like White Woman because I don’t see them as as the paragon of womanhood to which I should aspire. When I look to the past, these are the women who for the most part sat by (in their place) and watched their husbands and fathers invade foreign lands and destroy cultures. Whose men inflicted genocide on the Native Americans, who enslaved my ancestors, raped my grandmothers, beat and dehumanized my grandfathers, stripped my ancestors of their language, traditions, & spiritual beliefs (or tried their best too), classified my ancestors as 3/5 of a person, robbed women and Black people of the right to vote and much much more. Now I know that many White women fought for justice, equal rights, abolition, and other good things, but still I’m not trying to model myself after them. They have their own issues to deal with and I want no part of that!!
As for these silly stereotypes these ignorant men try to pass off as their desirable qualities:
- White women have less attitude: I don’t want to be the kind of woman who allows her man to run the streets, disrespect her and their relations and doesn’t check him. I like being the kind of woman who will hold the man in her life to account and push him to be the BEST he can be!
- White women are freakier, quicker to give head, and easy to get into bed. I don’t perform Oral sex on any and every man I meet. I don’t want to hop into bed with every man I go on 3 or more dates with! I don’t want to be like the women on the entertaining yet troubling TV series “Sex in the City.” I’m not trying to spice up my love life by “being open” to a threesome or trying girl on girl action to please my man.
- White women don’t tie up their hair at night. I don’t apologize for what I need to do to protect and maintain my hair! My hair is different and requires different care and I will not be ashamed of or apologize for that fact!
The things I hear these men point to as reasons they like to date non-Black women don’t make me rethink my choices in how I am. MOREOVER these stereotypes are offensive to the non-Black women who don’t to play those roles. I know White and Non-Black women and I know that not all of them fall for the okey doke are docile and weak-minded and accepting of the BS. I also know that they have a very different history than that of Black Women but that just like us they desire to be in relationships where they are respected, loved, and cared for. They want to be in relationships where their men treat them as equals vs subordinate, where they are valued for more than just their bodies and domestic capabilities too. I also know that they are just starting to realize that they CAN do it on their own if they HAVE TO and that the world will not end if they don’t “have a man.” Yep the are a little behind us in their evolution into strong women who know they can survive (survive not THRIVE)without a man, but they are getting there!
Strong Black women are unique. We are a new breed and when you’re an new breed sometimes you take a lot of hits because people are resistant to embrace change. So while it may be true that SOME men choose to date non-Black women because they THINK they are less attitudinal, quicker to perform sexual favors, and still trying to fit into out-dated gender roles, I know that there are SOME men who are looking for and see the value in a strong independent woman. Men who are confident enough in themselves to have a life partner who is their equal. Men who don’t get their worth and sense of power by dominating the woman in their life. These are the type of men Strong Black women have to/should date without regard to color if they want to be in satisfying relationships. There are men who fit this bill of every RACE and ethnic group. These men are unique, they are progressive they have evolved and rather than try to move myself backwards in my evolution I choose to simply attract to me a man who is ready for me.
So “No,” to respond to the ignorant men who say we should learn a thing or two from White girls about “how to get/keep a man.” What we need to do is to learn to love and honor ourselves and to stay in the positive knowing that there are men out here who are looking for us and all we have to do is be/stay open to connecting with them. I rebuke the men men trying to pit us against each other and foster competition between Black women and women of other ethnic groups.
I love and do my best to empower ALL women to demand that the men they choose to be in their lives treat them with love, compassion, consideration, tenderness, and RESPECT!!!
I and the other Black women like me need to be our best selves! We need to work on balancing our strength with grace to learn to be true DEVAS (divine beings) and discard everything else. We need to RELEASE the anger, hurt, pain, and shame (attitude) we have experienced because of the poor choices we may have made in the past around the men who brought into our lives who didn’t honor us. We need to HEAL any outstanding hurts and FORGIVE those who think have wronged us in the past. We need to be UNDERSTANDING and accepting that all men are not ready to be with women like us and that doesn’t make them wrong, just unsuitable. We need to AFFIRM that there are strong, confident, balanced men in the world who are excited about meeting us and just dying to connect! We need to REJECT any attempts to create dissension between women and “competition” for men!
When being The Virtuous Vixen, I am all about sharing my journey as I continue to evolve into and embrace my Divine Purpose and live into the future I invented for myself. This sharing is all about personal development and how I put into action the things I am reading and finding out about life.
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